Transitions | An Experiment In Gratitude

July 21, 2011 By Angel Leave a Comment

About a month ago (holy crap, has it been that long already?!) I did a quick video about potential changes coming up for An Experiment In Gratitude.

I’d been considering shutting it down, so that I could move everything (blog posts, attention, efforts, etc…) over to my new sites: My Mosaic Life and AnotherWhichIsInTransitionSoIWon’tGiveItToYouHere .

Since then, I’ve been struggling with this idea.

Part of me thought it was a great idea because I’ve not had the time or energy to give any one thing (any of the sites) what they deserve in the way of my time and attention. On the other hand, each time I thought about pulling it down… I just wanted to cry.

It felt like An Experiment In Gratitude was my baby (and it kind of was!), and I felt like I’d be letting you down by no longer having it as part of my online home. [Insert more tears here]

It’s been a really difficult decision.

However.

It’s time to make the change official. I’ll be pulling over old blog posts etc… from An Experiment In Gratitude to My Mosaic Life and I’d really (really! really!) love it if you’d join me over there.

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I’ve been so blessed in connecting with each of you here… You’re such a cool, eclectic, and supremely interesting group of people. You’re into the gratitude stuff (which will still be there on the new site!), you’re into growth, and I’m pretty sure that you’re into juicy living (which is a big part of what My Mosaic Life is all about!). How fun is all of that?!

Let me know if you have any comments or questions about the change coming up, and again… would really love to see you over on the new site. If you’re not digging it, I respect that too.

Thanks for the last year… it’s been such an amazing experience <3

Filed Under: Being Real, Simplicity, Transitions

April 20, 2011 By Angel 3 Comments

Do you remember those rock tumblers (not an affiliate link) from when you were a kid?

You’d see them in those cool toy catalogs that came… and you’d just drool over them.

Wanting one so badly (because rough stones were good stuff). Those colorful rocks just begging to be touched & turned over in your hands, and then tumbled to a smooth finish.

This ringing any bells for ya?

No????

(Crap, was that just me?!?! Dammit.)

Anyway (don’t judge me for being a massive nerd… nerds are the new black, didn’t you know?).

I still think about those rock tumblers to this day, though not for the same reasons.

Back in the day I just wanted one because I loved stones.

I loved holding them and touching them.

I loved them in their rough form, and I loved them in their smooth form.

I loved the colors of them (and all the amazing textures).

I loved finding stones with some sparkle in them.

I just loved the stones.

Now, I’m still interested in the stones… but also have developed more of a fascination with the tumblers themselves.

Because… life is one great big tumbler… (and we’re all thrown into it together).

Some of us naturally have much sharper edges, and as time (and that damn tumbler) has its way with us… those edges are worn down. (Mostly by others edges, but partially by the softness of the others as well).

Isn’t that interesting to consider?

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What edges have you had worn down, and how (by people, by circumstance)?

Would you change it (having had those edges worn) if you could?

Do you still have some sharp edges that you’d like to soften a bit?

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Filed Under: Transitions

April 18, 2011 By Angel 1 Comment

I’ve been hinting (for months… yeah, sorry ’bout that ) about an upcoming change.

Well… today it’s ready for everyone to see.

It’s still in progress (won’t it always be?), and there’s more yet to come, but I can’t wait any longer to get it out there & start having interactions through this something new..

What is it, you say?

It’s My Mosaic Life (and it’s all about your mosaic life too )

It’s about being, and feeling, totally & decadently juicy living your life by pulling together all the pieces that you are.

I have tons of plans and ideas for where this is going, and would really love if you’re along for the ride (assuming, of course, that you read the home page and find that it suits you).

So… if all of that sounds good, how about hopping on over there to check it out (and maybe even add your voice to the discussions??)

Sweet… see you there!

Filed Under: Creativity, Transitions

March 29, 2011 By Angel 2 Comments

I know, I know…. I’ve been singing that song for what, a couple of months now almost??? But really, truly, they are!

Here’s a quick vid to be followed by a slightly more lengthy one with more detail….

Thanks for hanging in!

Filed Under: Transitions

March 14, 2011 By Angel 2 Comments

Endings... and beginnings

I had forgotten…. how good it feels to purge, and how getting rid of things no longer needed and/or loved can shift energy both externally and internally. I’ve been tearing through a couple of rooms in our house today, in preparation for an energy cleanse I’m doing for our home this week. I started with our closet, figuring it was no big deal and that it’d go quickly. It was a bigger deal than I realized, but it did go fairly quickly. I expanded from the closet to the rest of the bedroom. Now that the bedroom is done, I feel so much lighter and better every time I walk in there. I’m so proud of myself and feel so good for having been able to release so many things that no longer serve me there.

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I had forgotten…. about my affinity & love for crystals and stones. I picked up some new ones (a great piece of pointed clear quartz, tumbled tigers eye, raw garnet, rose quartz, and hematite.. just in case you’re curious) along with some white sage, yesterday for my upcoming space cleansing. I forgot how much I’m drawn to them, and how they make me feel. In remembering, I feel like I’ve reclaimed a piece of myself that I’d not consciously recognized was even missing. It feels like a bit of a homecoming, and it’s amazing.

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I had forgotten…. that I’m really really into energy work of all kinds. I used to be really into Reiki, and Quantum Touch, and anything involved with sensing and working with energy within and around me. None of this is to say that I’d ever developed any kind of mastery with any of it. I didn’t. I just really dug it. This remembering, too, feels like a homecoming. I feel like I’m coming back to me, FINALLY, in a very real & very grounded way.

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So… what have you forgotten?

What have you forgotten about you… the real you?
What kinds of endings feel more truly like beginnings for you?
Do you feel like there are any pieces of you that are missing?

I’d love to hear from you!

(Oh, as I was cleaning & clearing, I had a song set to repeat…. It helped tons!! It’s a song done by Fabeku Fatunmise of Sankofa Song specifically for Goddess Leonie & her Goddess Circle subscribers (of which I am one! And no, that’s not an affiliate link… None of these are. I just freaking LOVE these two & the work they’re doing!). There is plenty of drumming and all sorts of amazing goodness created for space clearing on that song so I actually set it to repeat in every room of our house through the day today. Love!)

Filed Under: Being Real, Gratitude, Transitions

February 20, 2011 By Angel 5 Comments

Have you been running yourself ragged lately, or is it just me?

Seriously. Things have been CRAZY-making in a big way.

Seems like everything has sped up to the point of constantly being in overdrive, and I am quite fried. What about you?

Talking with my friend Michelle yesterday & realized that there are some upsides to this freak-out-speed-up right now.

It’s pulled me away from An Experiment In Gratitude & the shift happening for it right now. This is good because I don’t have to feel like I need to push anything, or create contrived change. Instead, it’s shifting in its own time & in its own way (which is yet more crazy-making for a type-A control-freak such as moi… but whatever, dude. Working on rolling with this stuff)
It’s gotten so stressful that I’m incredibly aware of it all… and incredibly aware of how insanely unambiguously important it is to slow the fuck down right now. So many times I’ll find myself with my shoulders hanging out somewhere around my ears, and simultaneously realize that I’m not really breathing (rather important detail, that). Doh! Yeah… so slowing down and being present… stuff to do. No. Matter. What.
I’m re-assessing (again) what’s important. Like, for reals important. Is it really gonna matter a year from now, or even next month, how quicky the laundry got done… or how spotless the house looks? Is it really going to matter that I stayed late or worked extra from home (nights, weekends, whenever) for my day job in order to help someone out? HELL NO. They won’t even remember or care the next time.. they’ll just want and expect that much more from me. What does matter is that I’m able to be around for my family (more specifically, without biting any heads off), that I’m able to nurture myself (which helps me to be there for my family), that I’m able to give back and contribute in such a way that I feel good about the time I’ve spent on this planet.

So there we are. This crazy freak-out-speed-up is not gonna break’a my stride. (Nobody gonna slow me down.. oh no… I. Got. To. Keep. On. Moving! C’mon.. you know you loved that song.. and that you’re singing it now too… You’re welcome )

Nope… I’m just gonna slow it all down and see where it goes from here. Been doing pretty well with my daily thank you’s…. and that totally rocks so I’m observing and adjusting as needed.

How’re you handling this crazy fast-forward we all seem to be feeling right now?

Filed Under: Being Real, Transitions

February 13, 2011 By Angel 10 Comments

As much as I’ve tried to get more real here, something is still not right.

I’ve felt as though I’m “trying to be” rather than just “be(ing)”.

It’s gotten rather exhausting.

This is me

A very good friend recently made a comment about me being like a pendulum… swinging back and forth between the very positive & spiritual version of me… and the darker, edgier version of me. As soon as she said it I knew that it was Truth. (I also knew that I am not *really* strictly one or the other… nor will I pretend to be.)

I wondered why I’d not consciously recognized that little tidbit before. (I have talked about being both dark and light… and the various facets to my personality… just as there are to yours… but I’d not yet put together that I really tend to swing back and forth in the way that I do.)

No matter. It’s there now.

So the question becomes… what do I do with this knowledge? (Oh, and perhaps… why do you care???)

The answer to the former is not one that I’m ready to publicly announce just yet, though I will say that I’ve purchased my brand new domain name and am furiously scribbling notes on all that’s working its way to the surface.

The answer to the latter is this: I know that there are others out there *just like me* who are looking for someone or something to help them get from the constant back-and-forth swinging to a calmer place in the center. I also know that I can be that someone, and that I am going to create that something.

Will you be along for the ride? Do you know anyone who’s a pendulum as well? (Are YOU a pendulum, perhaps????)

Let’s go, baby… it’s only going to get more exciting from here on in.

Filed Under: Being Real, Transitions

January 29, 2011 By Angel 5 Comments

Wow… so I just realized that it’s been a while since I last said ‘hey’ to you fantabulous folks.

So….

“Hey”

Yeah…

Well I guess the least I can do is to let you in on a piece of what’s happening and keeping me ever-so-busy lately….

The Big News:

*I’m in the finishing stages of getting “An Experiment In Gratitude: 30 days to a meaningful shift from frustration to flow” ready to launch. Pushing for February 1st (which is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER… oh my…). Feeling some major fear and resistance with this, primarily because I love this experiment. Love. This is the thing that started it all… AEIG would not be here had I not had enough of my own shit and decided to DO SOMETHING about it. (And so, if it flops… if none of you fantabulous folks actually buy it well then.. that’s going to totally suck and I’m going to feel like a major loser. Failure. Fear. Yuck.)

*At least equally exciting… I’ve got a confession to make. I’m not quite ready to spill the beans on the confession itself, suffice it to say… the confession will discuss some truths that I’ve been hiding for a while now. It’ll also let out some bits about the changes that are upcoming for An Experiment In Gratitude… and for me. (Super secret…. shhhhh for now!)

Ok, I think that just about covers it. Back to work for me…

What’s keeping you busy these days?

Filed Under: Being Real, Transitions

January 17, 2011 By Angel 10 Comments

I find it incredibly amazing that I can go from “I’m-in-it-full-tilt” to “holy-shit-what-am-I-doing?” all within a mere matter of moments.

How does that happen?

More importantly, how the hell do I get out of it and back into some freaking faith already?

How weak must my faith be if it’s so easily trampled and forgotten in the shadows of doubt that plague my mind?

Why is this coming up RIGHT NOW in at least two different (and seemingly unrelated) areas of my life??

Obviously, there is a lesson to be had here… and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let it all go without finding the lesson. I do NOT want to be back here again any time soon.

So, I’m on the hunt.

What do you do when you have a crisis of faith (in any area of your life… business, relationships, money, spirituality, etc…)? Do you dig in and go through it (whatever ‘it’ is) or do you hide out and wait for the storm to pass? What works best for you? What doesn’t work at all?

Not looking for advice, but I’d really love to know what you do when you find yourself here… Please do share.

Filed Under: Being Real, Transitions

November 27, 2010 By Angel 2 Comments

There I was, minding my own business (eating dinner out with my family), when a song came on.

Away From the Sun by 3 Doors Down. As soon as the music started, I got ‘that feeling’ around my eyes and in my chest. I knew it was coming, but didn’t know how it would hit me.

*Side note: this is not a song that normally gets to me for any reason*

*Another side note: I have a history of Depression and various other SUPER-FUN things like that*

Then the first words played:

It’s down to this
I’ve got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I’ve done
I miss the life
I miss the colours of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

And it was on. The struggle between me and my body; I wondered which would win this one… The tears welling up in my eyes battled to be free, but I was having none of it… as usual.

I would not, could not, allow this release (after all, who knew what would happen if I did)?!?!

And so I swallowed them. All those emotions trying to come up and out. I pushed them back down and got pissed off about it.

-Later-

Had to make another quick trip to Target (because one today just wasn’t enough!). On the way, the tears and emotions that I’d angrily shoved back down earlier this evening… yeah, they clawed their way out. Suffice it to say… it was not a pretty sight (nor was I, afterwards).

Now… I didn’t help the situation by putting on a few Breaking Benjamin songs. By doing that, I was really wallowing in it more than was probably necessary. That type of thing has been my MO for a looooooooong time now.

Got home & was still pretty bummed out (can’t imagine why?!). Jumped on one of the kids for something (ultimately) stupid. Snapped at my husband when he asked me if I was grumpy (“NO! I’m sad! And I don’t know why!!!”). Got in the shower and then headed in to write this blog post (and basically emotionally vomit all over anyone reading this… Sorry ’bout that). My husband stopped by the office and I braced myself for a lecture.

I got the lecture. (Ugh).

But I also got a good kick in the ass. (And ya know, sometimes as much as I don’t want it… that’s exactly what I need.)

He reminded me (not in these words…) that I am too blessed to be so damn stressed. (He also suggested that I maybe want to think about re-watching movies like Rocky or Invincible… for the ‘get up and fight’ mindset in each.)

While it’s totally ok to cry (though I personally HATE it and don’t often do it), for me… it’s no longer ok to allow myself to wallow in that crap. I know where that road goes & I know that I’ve wasted quite enough of my life there already, thank you very much.

When the crying & venting are finished, though, there’s still work to be done. There are still messes to be cleaned up, kids to be looked after, bills to be paid.

So I’m back up and at it, thanks to that kick in the pants.

I am grateful.

And THIS is gratitude… for real life.

What about you? Any stories to share, thoughts on this one? Please do! Scroll up and click on ‘Leave a Comment’.

Filed Under: Transitions