Enough. Eee-nuff. Enough.

That’s one of those words that starts to look (and sound) kind of funny when you look at it (and say it) a bunch.

I have been looking at it, and saying it, a bunch lately.

See, I want to know enough.

I want to know it in my bones.

I want to know it so deeply and so completely that it’s never far from my conscious perception.

I want to feel it. Actively. Regularly. 

I want to feel fully satisfied. Physcially, mentally, emotionally & spiritually.

Synchronicity

I had been thinking about ‘enough’ yesterday, then I got home to see my Soul Note from Bridget Pilloud’s “Inner Me”.

Guess what it was about??? (Here’s a quote from it:)

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“Inner Me said: Help the people who need your help.

Stop worrying that there won’t be enough.

What is this fixation with enough?

There is always enough of everything, including people who need help.”

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Hmmmm…. Right.

So…. what IS this fixation with enough, anyway???

What’s with all the worry (and the striving and reaching and grasping) about getting more in order to have enough?

It’s so…… yuck.

It’s so yuck that:

• I will eat until I feel physically unwell because, after all, I don’t know when I’ll next get such a treat (if out for a nice dinner, for example). This, even though I’m perfectly capable, financially and otherwise, of going out to dinner (more or less) whenever I damn well please. I’m afraid that there’s not enough for later so I gorge now.
• For years, I have constantly bought new books (mostly non-fiction and within the same few genre’s). This isn’t just a love for books in my case, but a desperate-feeling need for the ‘right’ information. The book that’s finally going to change my life (or at the very least, an important aspect of it). No one book ever has (much as I’ve loved most of them).
• I have continuously spent more and more money (not my money, by the way… but the credit card companies money) on things that I don’t need per se (though it often feels like it in the moment). It always seems like I must have this or that (generally self-development or business related) in order to fulfil some goal or desire.

I know, intellectually, that none of these things are going to fill me to enough-ness. In fact, I almost always feel disgusting afterwards. (I’m sure you know nothing of this particular self-disgust, right???)

But that’s bullshit too.

There is nothing about me (OR YOU) that’s disgusting. We are gorgeous cretaures doing our best in a world that so often feels fucked-up and off balance.

But back to enough…

So I’m wondering now, what does ‘enough’ even look like?

What does it feel like?

Something I’m looking forward to sitting with a bit…. how ’bout you?

What is ‘enough’ for you, and do you know it?

Now… the other part to this crazy freak-out-speed-up thing is something really interesting that Catherine Caine (of Cash and Joy bad-assery… Wait..you don’t know her??? Have you been under a rock somewhere dude???) mentioned in one of our calls….. She made a comment about how, in order to get shit going and get it done, she (wait for it…. waaaiiiiitttt for iiiiiiittttt……) “Moves Faster Than The Fear”.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I know, right??? I’m telling you, she’s brilliant, that one…)

So, yeah.

So now I’m thinking about: “how can I use this crazy freak-out-speed-up thing to my advantage…. how can I Move Faster Than The Fear???”

I can:

• Make a final decision about which domain name will be the new place for me to be… I purchased two that I loved (the third was taken, dammit) and have been going back and forth with them ever since.
• Finalize the profile of my ideal dudette with whom I’d really love to work.
• Get serious about the creation of the new site.
• Flesh out the program that’s popped into my head & start putting it together so that it’s ready when I am.
• Set a date for all of the above and haul some ass rather than flaking out with it all.

Interesting.

How do you feel about this whole ‘Move Faster Than The Fear’ idea… and how would you do it for yourself???

I noticed that a couple of people are writing about their gratitude in a public way & decided to share my gratitude list from this morning….

• Right now I am grateful for being able to easily take a deep breath.
• I’m grateful for a good night’s sleep.
• I am grateful for a comfy home and snuggly bed to sleep in.
• I’m grateful for the air conditioning to keep us cool and not so muggy…
• I’m grateful for the hot shower I’m about to take.
• I’m grateful for warm skin against cool skin.
• I’m grateful for big stretches (physical stretches but also mental and emotional ones as well!).
• I’m grateful for a new day & the opportunity to start fresh (in each moment, if necessary).
• I’m grateful for thought-provoking books.
• I’m grateful for giggles & deep belly laughs with new friends.
• I’m grateful that I have SO MUCH to be grateful for.

Life really is amazing. It’s such a thrill ride. Consciously giving thanks for what comes my way totally shifts my perspective and reminds me of that.

Sweet

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Have you checked out The Experiment yet? The sale ends very soon!!

At 7:00 EST, the wait is over and you’ll be able to learn more about Nicoles Experiment…

You’ll find the information right here

I’d love to get your feedback!!

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Nicole was so fed up. With life. With herself. With all the bullshit.

Every day seemed to bring more of the same… More frustration, anger, and that pissiness that just rarely seemed to go away any more.

Painful stuff.

Everyone around her was sick and tired of listening to her bitching and complaining. After all, from the outside it seemed like she had it pretty damn good.

On the inside, though, she felt like a time-bomb just waiting to go off.

It totally sucked.

Worse yet, she didn’t know how to change it.

Time to experiment.

Nicole had read quite a bit about the power of gratitude. She’d come across tons of articles (like this one, and this one) touting the effects of gratitude on ones state of happiness and general satisfaction with life. She’d always found them interesting, but had never actually tried to do anything with any of the information (sound familiar?).

Until one day, she did.

It wasn’t anything memorable that brought her to the end of her rope.. it was more just an inner knowing that finally (finally!) enough was enough.

She did a ton of reading (various books from the library, articles online, serveral published studies, etc..) and cobbled together some action-based ideas that she thought might work for her.

And then she actually started to put them into practice.

It didn’t happen overnight, but Nicole started to see some shifts in her life.

At first, it was little stuff… She wasn’t quite as snippy with her co-workers and family. She didn’t dread getting up in the morning quite as much as before.

Gradually, these shifts got more and more profound. She’d find herself smiling (like, a real smile… not that fake shit that she used to paste on her face), or even [gasp!] laughing now and then. This had been nearly unheard-of prior to her experimenting. She knew then that she was on to something.

Then, one day late in the summer, she was leaving work at the normal time and in the normal way. Suddenly, everything felt anything but normal. The colors outside were bolder and richer. The annoying sounds of traffic faded into the background. She smelled fresh-cut grass, and noticed a bird-of-paradise in full bloom (not that she was a huge fan, but have you really looked at one of those things when they’re in full bloom? They’re so vivid and alive looking!). Driving home, she actually felt herself giggling and damn-near giddy! There were joy-bubbles rising up from deep within her. Yes, ‘joy-bubbles’ (only way she could describe it).

This was something she’d never experienced before.. not for any length of time.

And now… everything looked different. Everything felt different. It all was different, and she knew it.

She also knew why.

Her experiment had kicked in and had taken over.

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It’s almost time.

The Experiment is almost ready.

Are you?

As much as I enjoyed writing 20 things you do not know about me in my last blog post, I felt the need to write again and clarify just a bit on a few things.

NONE of those things is me.

All of those things about me are true, but they are not me.

I am not my story.

I’m not my past.

I’m not my possessions.

I’m not my personality.

I’m not my body.

I’m not my job.

I’m not my roles.

I’m not expectations (those of myself & for myself, or those of others for me).

I just am.

(As are you)

thank goodness for that, huh?

Now carry on… as you were.

My life’s journey has taken me on not just a roller coaster, but an amusement park of rides as far as my life’s experience. I’ve gotten to where I am in spite of (or because of?) each experience I’ve had.

I get pretty tense sometimes (more like, often) with not knowing where the journey is taking me now.

Like, exactly where.

And, oh, I’d like to know right now ifyouplease!

I’m learning through my gratitude practice, though, that it really is the journey rather than the destination. Taking the time to notice the details is teaching me that those minute details are quite a large part of the overall experience. For example:

I once went out into the back yard to do some yoga (in the fresh air, rather than the stuffy garage or crowded living room) and as I stretched out into Down Dog, I noticed the smallest spider-web I’d ever seen. It was covered in dew drops & looked as though it was sprinkled in diamond dust… it was just sparkling. Thankfully, I did not see the spider, but admired its handiwork all the same. I’ve carried this ridiculously unimportant memory with me for at least a year or so now, and I really don’t believe I’ll forget it any time soon. That unimportant & minute detail made such an impression on me… it’s stuck in the ol’ noggin’ for good now. It struck me as incredibly beautiful, fragile, and yet still strong enough to endure the wind, the rain, and whatever might come along & unintentionally trample it…. Because there it stood.

I think about that memory now & then. I think:

a) We are all like that little spider web. We’re all beautiful. And fragile. And strong as anything.

b) I’m so grateful to have noticed it. It touched something within me that’s not often acknowledged actively. Noticing that detail & being grateful for it locked it in my memory and made a difference to me in that moment, and in many others since.

All these experiences add up into a life’s journey. Never know where it’ll take you, but it seems to me that you & I have the choice to determine our perceptions of it.

That’s a lot of power.

I’d say, look at it as though it’s all good.

Because it is.

I’ve always been a creative person. In fact, it took me a fair amount of time and a bit of struggle to learn how to be a more logically thinking person (which I’ve had to do for my jobs in IT). I remember as I was going through school (for computer networking)… it was so hard for me to switch gears in that way. Now I take it for granted for the most part, though I do still sometimes catch myself missing something simple in the troubleshooting process. I think, though, that in training and pushing myself to think more logically I’d shut down some of my creativity… More truly, maybe not shut it down as such, but definitely dampened it quite a bit… and have more often than not found myself feeling stuck and dry.. not the juicy & creative goddess that I’d like to be.

I crave creativity like I crave chocolate!

In doing ‘The Experiment’, I’ve found that some things seem to be naturally unlocked all on their own (I’d been wanting to unlock the emotions in general a bit too, but that’s a story for another day), and creativity is one of them… This has been a real relief to me.

Now, I’ve run into some really fantastic resources for this as well (those are on the ’Love this’ page of my web site!), and I definitely must give credit where credit is due. There are lots and lots of super-amazingly creative folks out there & definitely worth looking into.

Again, at the same time, I’ve found that the gratitude practice itself has helped to unlock those doors as well. It has to do with looking outside of yourself with fresh eyes. When gratitude kicks in and becomes more of an automatic habit, you naturally see things from a perspective slightly shifted from your previous one. Of course, anytime you look at things from a fresh perspective, they’re going to look different & oftentimes that’s a big place where creativity can come in and really bloom.

Do you consider yourself to be a creative person?

 How do you best express your creativity?

Would you like to feel it more freed within you?

How can your gratitude practice impact your creativity levels?